For Those Missing a Loved One This Season
In the holiday season, we are surrounded by twinkling lights and festive spirit. But let's keep it real for a moment – this time of year isn't all sunshine and rainbows for everyone, particularly for those dealing with the loss of a loved one. Just the other day, as I was scrubbing away in my kitchen, memories of my grandma hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though it's been a solid five years since she left us, the pain felt as raw as if it happened just yesterday.
It's wild how, when you think you're starting to heal, something can trigger those heart-wrenching emotions all over again. It could be the sound of their favorite song or catching a glimpse of a stranger who looks just like them. Grief is tricky like that - it creeps up on you when you least expect it, even after you thought you had it all under control.
But you know what? It's alright not to be alright, especially during the holidays. The expectations to be full of cheer can be a lot to handle, and when you're missing someone special, the celebrations can feel bittersweet. That's why giving yourself the necessary time and space is so important.
The more you acknowledge and accept your feelings, the more likely you will find joy during this time of year. So, as you deal with the ups and downs of grief during the holidays, here are 3 things to remember:
You deserve grace.
Grief brings along so many emotions, and it's completely normal to feel a bit lost or frustrated, especially when you think you 'should' be further along or trying to power through those tough moments. Yet, I urge you to give yourself grace in these moments. It's easy to fall into the trap of self-imposed expectations, thinking there's a set timeline for healing.
But the truth is that grief doesn't follow a schedule, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. So, when the wave of grief rises, take a deep breath, acknowledge the complexity of your feelings, and allow yourself the compassion to move through them at your own pace.
It’s okay to feel.
Speaking of embracing emotions that come up - repeat after me: "It's okay for me to feel my feelings." Being human means having moments of shedding tears. When you're dealing with the loss of someone special, it's so important to let yourself feel whatever comes. Grief sucks, so don't hold back; if you need to let it out, go ahead. Cry or vent as much as you need.
The holidays can remind you of the space where your loved ones used to be. Letting those emotions in is okay, whether sadness, longing or just missing them. It doesn't mean you're going insane; it's a crucial step towards recovery. Your heart needs to process the loss, and feeling those emotions is a positive sign that you're on the right track.
So, give yourself room to process those emotions instead of sweeping them under the rug. Find emotional outlets that work for you — whether having a convo with someone who knew them well, going to a place that brings back happy memories, or jotting down your thoughts in a journal—whatever floats your boat.
Prioritize Self-Care Over Expectations
Now isn't the time to carry the weight of people's expectations on your shoulders. I cannot stress this enough – you are not responsible for managing the feelings of others. It's easy to get caught up in the external pressures of holiday gatherings, to feel the need to put on a brave face for the sake of those around you.
But here's a gentle reminder that everyone deals with grief differently, so go ahead and navigate it on your own terms. That can mean keeping tradition or skipping certain events and reimagining how you celebrate all together; it's your journey. The holiday season is about understanding and compassion, so why not shower yourself with the same loving kindness? It's perfectly okay to set boundaries and prioritize your healing, even if it means taking a different route than what others might expect.
This isn't to say you shouldn't be there for the people you love; just reserve space for yourself, too. Do what feels right to and for you. Remember that your mental and emotional well-being matters, and giving yourself the freedom to acknowledge your feelings is a powerful act of self-care.
Let’s Reflect!
It’s time to reflect on your relationship with grief. Grab your favorite journal, and answer the following:
What expectations am I putting on myself about the timeline for healing from grief, and are they realistic?
What two activities are good emotional outlets for me, and how can I actively use them to process and express my emotions?
What external pressures am I experiencing, and how can I take specific actions to set boundaries and prioritize self-care during this time?
